It is true that I sit without a thought about what to write. This time I do not write purposefully, but the writing writes me just like an artist can choose to draw from the background to the foreground. I ask questions, and like everyone else I look for answers to those questions, but I discovered that sometimes answers lie in the questions themselves, in the questioning eyes of a friend or by simply living into the answers (easier simply said than done)…why is it that we go so far to find answers only to come back to the question itself? If you trust me after reading the first sentence of this paragraph, I will show you what I mean. For all the English teachers reading this, forgive my choice of tense. I know the “tú/you” form is improper writing, but when I say “you” I really mean me. Like I said, I am writing my way into an understanding.
When was the last time you (I) consciously remember looking someone in the eye during a conversation? By conscious I mean that you saw something in those eyes that gave meaning to the words which flowed from that person’s lips. Maybe you witnessed a sparkle, an enchanting gaze, or a magnificent color that was not visible before.
When I conversed with people growing up, my mother always told me to look that person in the eye. It felt awkward, and I shied from people. My stumpy stature forced me to crank my neck all the way back and stare into the eyes towering above me. No little girl wants a stranger staring her down. At least those were the emotions I felt years ago, but something changed since then (and it is not just my height). When I look someone in the eye, I ask the question. Why should I look into the eyes of a person when speaking? I know the answer. I am living the questions.
Her eyes are the color of the sky. They are as blue as the robin egg and as clear as the Mediterranean. They shimmer like a crystal ball under a blue moon and dance like the days of forever summer. They are deep as the sea and deeper. The light of those eyes comes from what should be the darkest deep within. That within has never seen light, but it knows. It shows. The eyes are the portal to the soul.
Why ask questions? Where do they come from? That idea is the real question of questions. I will not say x=y. Definitions only say so much and my purpose here is not to give one liners, but by discussing human happenings the purpose of questions comes to light.
As we grow, we transform into a likeness of someone or something. That likeness depends on what we worship…so be careful what you worship. Eyes reflect that worship in a peace or drudgery of spirit. The sparkle, the shimmer, the color…
…they are a portal to the soul. I was struck by her eyes. She is family–more than that–a friend and a kindred spirit. She sat me down the moment she arrived, held my words on the sheet of paper, and began inquiring about them. She asked question after question in her slow, graceful language. I stumbled and gasped for words with which to respond. How could such questions leave me without an answer and worse without words? Wasn’t I gifted with an abundance of words at birth? Those piercing eyes looked into my own. What did they see?
I realize only now what happened. I do not pretend to know everything. Like I said I write my way into the answers. In a sense the writing writes me.
We were having a conversation. Yes, despite lack of eloquence on my part, I experienced one of the most meaningful conversations of my life. It was the silence that conversed. Like an artist, the background illustrated all. During those moments of stillness we looked into the others’ eyes after a year of being apart. Those moments directed the conversation. Those were the moments that answered the questions, when I could look into that crystal ball and understood the beauty and complexity of the question.
There are seven questions that lead us to an understanding of existence. But those are for another time. For now, questions as a whole in their rawest most simple state embody the beauty that eventually people will experience by living into the answer. Anyone can learn to love the questions, but it helps to have someone whose eyes you can look into for answers.
The conversation will go like this….” .”