I’m a Big Girl Now

Well. Here I am. Two months into college and thriving. Perhaps too much, for many have told me when will you write? They say, “I miss your words.” I titled this particular work “I’m a Big Girl Now” because I now understand why people say college is such a big step in a young one’s life. Truly, by stepping out into the world via the golden road of the university, I anticipate four of the best years of my life, but more truthfully know this. A good university will make those four years and every year afterwards the golden years of life because that individual has come to realize learning is not imprisoned within the walls of buildings and leather bound books (or flimsy paper ones), but rather these docent assets contribute to a learned life. A good university will equip all this in a motivated student and more…even still a good university only wants the good…the best…and that life is nurtured in the home.

Yes, I am here at school and thriving, but that doesn’t mean I don’t turn around…often…and long for my home. I hugged my parents and siblings good bye ready for the next adventure at convocation. I did not cry. Some may think me callous, but I think of myself too enraptured with a new chapter and less that I lack heart for leaving. No, I am not leaving. They are. Nineteen years of labor, and now they set me free sailing. I am sure they wondered and prayed, “Would I utilize the tools they equipped me with? Would I follow the paths they told me led to a virtuous life? Would I seek the guidance of a God they told me would always care for me?”

I’m a big girl now, not that I have done anything extra to deserve the honor of being called a “grown-up,” but that I have learned to acknowledge my weaknesses. However, rather than obsessing in those weaknesses, I am learning to invest more time and energy in my strengths (Larissa 17′). Truly, what honor is there in the title of “grown-up” if actions do not match that title? By grown-up I mean, taking responsibility but of course for me that does not exclude laughter and amusement when I can afford to. In all honesty one cannot afford not to include joy in responsibility and yet even I am so guilty of not looking for the pleasure in doing one’s duty well.

I’m a big girl now, not because I have triumphed in any particular way but that I have failed and pulled up my big girl panties once more: I have missed appointments and been held accountable. Coach has revealed my Pole Vault weaknesses, but from a horizontal distance of 10 feet I have a vertical height of 13’2″ to reach Nationals made possible by strengthening my weaknesses. I have lost sleep, but gained friends. I have humbled myself of knowledge by asking questions, and gained wisdom.

I’m a big girl now because I have a new found respect for my Mother. How she managed to order eleven heads in one household on one calendar and how she did it all as the sole bread maker, family chauffeur, pantry-stocker, ama de casa, laundress, cleanser of ceramics, and ultimately professor beats my frazzled little head apparent on my furrowed, perplexed face as you would see if you were present with me now. Just little me and my little calendar, and still I flop.

I am a big girl now, because now I know what a big girl does. She does not accept failure. She strives toward excellence. She is like a war horse “laughing at fear” “leaping like locusts.” Most of all she looks back often and models what a big girl does by going back to the Source. I am a big girl because my parents have equipped me to live like one. I still need to call home often and sob and hear the same message again. and again. and again. Where is reason in the midst of emotion?

At this institution, I am one among many in pursuit of big people things. Many dream of changing the world, becoming president, and serving abroad. Others though no less noble have ambitions to graduate, become the world’s best Mother, or get consistent C’s (that’s me!). But what all of us here strive towards is always assessing what is good and true and ultimately what will be beautiful.

Need I say more? No time. Big Girls need sleep too.

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